Sample Essay Score Report

1. Several examples are given, which is great, but it is generally believed to be much more efficient to provide two or three examples or arguments and then to greatly expand on those arguments and their implications. Each paragraph should have one main idea, but here in this essay several of the paragraphs have many smaller ideas.

2. There is no one single hypothesis given. In the first paragraph, you should include your one main argument, and then use the body paragraphs to write about examples that help support your argument.

3. In the closing paragraph, you should restate your initial hypothesis and conclude with a brief summary. By that time, if you have written several well-organized body paragraphs, then your reader should be convinced of your argument.

1. Your have several small valid arguments, and you very strongly claim that you do not agree with the proposed plan in the Brookville community, but there is not a single statement that clearly states that you disagree with the proposal. It would be most efficient if you had written, for example, 'The proposed plan is lacking in logic because if the plan were enacted, all of the homes would be mandated to look the same and there would be no sense of individuality in the community.'

2. Try to refrain from using common, matter-of-fact language. For example, you write, 'I mean this not in monetary terms but ...'. Never begin a sentence with 'I mean', as it is improper and informal English.

3. Although essays in the first person are often effective, formal essays are rarely written in first person. Instead of writing, 'I also don't believe in telling a home owner what ...', you can write, 'It is not appropriate to tell a home owner what ...'. As this is an argument essay, you want to make declarative statements, and be sure to decisively state your opinion.